Comatose Comma

A personification of a self-esteem lacking human being:

It’s not everyday that I write about senseless, non-existent object just to test my punctuation, and well, perhaps my grammar. I’m a crappy writer, it’s crappy, maybe even worse but believe me; contrariwise I don’t want to bore you—my dear, redundantly precious, and beloved only one reader—so I came up with an interesting story. Something you should really hear, whereas if you bring up your whole life story with you and simmer it down together in my boiling pot, you might be able to relate. It’s an epic something, truly interesting, and not to mention really captivating; It is certainly going to blow your brains out. Trust me.

…

Upon my intent of making this wasted moment of my petty and useless life count, I lied. I lied to you and everyone that constitutes the meaning of “you” and the conjoined-word-with-a-dash, meaning just-you (appositive) my only reader; I am blank.

I have nothing.

Having said that—that “I have nothing more to say”—I suppose I should leave now with a trailing dot-dot-dot, but that is semantically incorrect, so I’ll just leave behind my one comatose comma,

(Author: You don’t get it; it doesn’t make sense, I know. It’s not supposed to make sense. So you did well.)

Why the hell would you want to be evil?

Being evil does not always require a doctorate's degree in evilness, sometimes all you need is a pinch of voodoo dust mixed with cobwebs, a nasty pot, smelly shoe, and a wrench, which isn't rusted. Rusted is no good.

* You don't want to be non-evil.

* Because deep within, you know you want it.

* It's not without perks. You'll see.

* It's fun, for one.

* No fees included.

* You are curious about hell.

* You are not curious about heaven.

* Evil people always gets what they want.

* Exclusive gourmet to dreams of children.

* Free embalming fluid.

* Extreme excuse for drooling on Busty Asian Beauties.

* Party every night.

* without hangovers.

* Girls will crave for your undead attention.

* Yes, girls are insanely evil that way.

* Porsche 918 Spyder running on 500 hp V8

* with a really loud stereo.

The recipe of being evil is in your nature, and you know it. You are probably in the stage of denial right now, but you feel it creeping inside you, and soon it's going to eat its way out.

Temporarily Consecrated

I'm full-on evil this morning but they smite me.

So I have a certain degree of holiness for now. Hopefully it will pass and I can be evil again.

Exclusive Minion Benefits

If you become my minion, I swear to you we will conquer the world together, and you will stand on my right flank as we cast hellfire over the earth, or at least, what's left of it.

Plus you get a special front-seat to the main event. You also get a free whatever-you-call-this, for pet.

I don't provide social security, you won't need it.

Snow is good

I love snow, though I haven't actually got the chance to see it in person, and that it is the reason I would annihilate the northern hemisphere last.

Then I also wonder if I'd ever get to see polar bears, which wasn't currently making out with an iceberg.

And if I ever get rich I would certainly buy this house.

And then I will fall off while skiing on this side of the mountain and die, also causing a very huge avalanche.

It's a bird. It's a plane. Wait is that a donkey?

MOSCOW – Russian authorities are starting up an animal cruelty probe and making it into a beach stunt every weekends in southern Russia.

The main attraction in the said event, none other than a donkey!

Yep, although I don't know what's with Russian and donkeys all of a sudden, but yes, they even released a video footage of a trembling mule attached to a harness, parasailing. Russia Today, a news channel, reported sunbathers watching in awe and distress as this cruel donkey stunt unfolded.

The poor donkey surivived but was undoubtedly in-shock–greatly in shock. Imagine gliding for half an hour, and you are a donkey, wouldn't that be shocking? That goes against donkey rights, if one even existed.

While these people are crazy and they should rot in hell, you gotta give them the props. They do know how to pull a stunt and make real news.

Evil Siberian Huskies

Siberian Huskies are the best! Even when they pee on my carpet, they still are. Hey check this one. Creepy.

And yes, Siberian Huskies are evil. You just don't know it but they are actually the minions of the devil, here's my proof on the next photo.

You see? Do you believe what I'm saying now?

My Evil Master Plan!

Behold the complete and utter destruction of the human race!

Siberian husky sled dog history

Recent DNA testing claims that the breed, Siberian Husky, is one of the oldest living species of the Canidae family (better known as the Canine family). Siberian Huskies date back to the ice age, when they pulled sleds of the earliest humans and aided them for survival.

Siberian Huskies are native to the Inuit (or Chukchi) people of the Northern Hemisphere of Asia. The word "husky" was a derivative of the word "eskie," which pertains to Eskimos. Yes, and in the past, they were even called "Eskimo Dogs."

Although some scholars do not bite this theory, it is dominantly believed that Eskimos used the same breed of dogs to migrate through land bridges during and after the ice age, particularly in and out of Alaska and through the Bering Strait.

Siberian Huskies were a major contribution to the survival of the Inuit tribes. From that point on, their value as sled dogs have been so consistent. Early in the nineteen hundreds, Siberian Huskies were imported to Alaska for the Gold Rush--the hyped discovery and exploration for gold mines as well as migrations of workers from Australia, Canada, South Africa, and United States. Afterwards the breed contended for the All-Alaska Sweepstakes Sled Dog Competition, a 408 mile race to and fro the cities of Nome and Candle in Alaska.

However in 1930 as the Soviet Union closed all its market trade routes, the importation of Siberian Huskies has greatly declined. Most of the Siberian Huskies we have at present are just barely descendants of pure Siberian Huskies; such are crossbreeds from Norwegian sled dogs and the likes.

On the brighter side, the AKC or American Kennel Club recognized Siberian Huskies as official dog breeds of Canada. And, years later Siberian Huskies were used for major explorations on the North and South poles. Richard E. Byrd, a well known explorer, brought 50 huskies with him in a 16,000 mile expedition of the Antarctic coast.

Nowadays Siberian Huskies are still being used for sled races and sporting competitions. On some countries (though rare), Huskies are even being trained for police enforcement because of their excellent sniffing and instinctive abilities that surpasses other breeds. Siberian Huskies up to the present have not outlived their usefulness, nor they ever will.

Because of Siberian Huskies' propitious assets, their pages in history were written with epic treks, advents, and achievements--all the more reason people should love the dog breed, Siberian Huskies!

Ten craziest approaches

You ever been asked these questions? Made similar offers? Approached suchlike? You have got to be kidding me.

1. Funeral service agent asks. "Sir, have you considered where you'd want to spend the rest of eternity?"

2. He leaves you his card and a discount coupon.

3. Woman says, "Party tonight. I need a date." She's sixty years old.

4. Later that night, she says, "We should go somewhere private."

5. Your wife tells you, "Hun, you want threesome? ....no, she's not a girl."

6. Then you say, "Over my dead body!" Wife says, "I can help with that."

7. Wife added, "Jack's an attorney, too. Great then after you die, we transfer all your money to me."

8. Priest makes you a confession. You're a guy. The confession was intimate.

9. Someone offers you a drink. It was holy water.

10. Our agent from number one comes back saying, "We now offer free caskets, too. Have you made up your mind, sir?"

McDonald lawsuit over happy meal toys

Washington - A group of Happy Meal haters are suing McDonald's for deceptive happy meal toys.

Do you remember as a kid how you nagged your mom to grab you a McDonald just so you can have the latest happy meal toy and add it to your collection? I do certainly.

Now that is being a topic of debate among the concern community. A local group is saying that this kind of marketing strategy is deceptive, unfair, and unnecessary. For the same basic reason, they are saying McDonald is using children, drawing them in with toys to gain profit, and (furthermore) overlooking health issues their food has to children.

A big yes to that. This group, Center for Science in the Public Interest, are saying that McDonald is being deceptive over its customers, and that their food is making children overweight and unhealthy. As the story goes, the children are ignorant enough of the food they eat when they eat it only to get a happy meal, and, their parents are being forced or otherwise they'd have to deal with fits and tantrums.

Besides this setting a bad moral example for other children, group says, American children are being bound to early health related issues. To prove this, the group presented detailed studies about obesity in children.

The center has filed dozens of lawsuit against fast food companies since the last few years. Presently they are hoping this latest lawsuit will threaten and push McDonald to negotiate. And of course, it will trigger a chain reaction as other food companies they had filed before will try to be more polite on the issue.

As of now, the group has sent McDonald a letter of 30 day probation on the subject, and, in that period of time McDonald should stop selling Happy Meal toys. Which, doesn't sound very happy.

William Whitman, McDonald's Vice President in Communications, released a company statement implying they "couldn't disagree more." He further clarified (in disagreement) that McDonald's restaurants sell more than just happy meals, which by the way are only for kids.

Within that 30 day given time frame, McDonald is expected to deal with the case and we (happy meal fans) are yet to see how this whole issue turns out.

Angry anger management counselor pulls out gun

Alexandria, VA. -- An anger management counselor gets angry and pulls out a gun over a traffic fight between two men, who (so unfortunately) are U.S. Marshals.

Jose Luis Avila is fifty-seven year old, and works as an anger management counselor. Avila was charged with assaulting a federal officer. Later this year he pleaded guilty and was sentenced to one year imprisonment.

As the story goes, Jose Luis Avila was just passing by the marshals on his drive home. Avila honked at them as they were blocking the road and, after one of the officers gave him (the obscene gesture), Avila pulled out a loaded hand gun.

In the span of 12 months Avila will undergo anger management programs (with another anger management counselor, who should be doing the job better than him).

Sloppy thief nabbed by doughnut

Australian burglar arrested because of evidences obtained from a Krispy Kreams doughnut.

AUSTRALIA-Jamie Scott McKillop was accused and arrested due to multiple counts of robbery after evidences obtained from sweets pointed to him.

It may sound like a dumb story you’d see in a comedy film, but still true. Jamie Scott has a sloppy habit of leaving half eaten sweets behind for every household he robs. On occasion he would leave a can of Coke, sometimes empty an bottle of liquor. This time, it was a half eaten Krispy Kreams doughnut.

After DNA tests, police had confirmed and had taken Jamie to custody to await a term of 17 year imprisonment. According to Justice Peter McClellan, Jamie Scott McKillop is being accounted to a total of 154 robberies since 2005. He added, it’s no surprise that Mr McKillop wasn’t concerned about leaving trails. After all, he has avoided authorities for all accounts mentioned.

If you’re a thief, graverobber variety or whatever, let this set an example so you don’t get busted.

Peace out! Leave a comment! It’s a must for doughnuts.

Lovesick male llama chases female llama

Assaults are not limited to humans, female llamas get traumatized too.

GIFHORN, BERLIN – A quote and quote “lovesick” llama assaulted a female llama–who tried so desperately to run for her life. God, she was more freaked out than your mom.

If deer in the headlights is a popular phrase, get this: lovesick llama chase, or this one, llama in the highway.

According to ever-so-dutiful policemen, the female llama was chased by her prospective mate after she refused to have consensual sex. The male llama came over too aggressive and lady llama freaked out. Scared like hell, she ran accross a busy German motorway.

Police spokesman Thomas Reuter said she was in state of panick, trying to save her skin from the lovesick llama.

I mean, who wouldn’t? Even suicidal people will flinch when chased by a horny llama.

Until now, the female llama hasn’t been over the whole incident, and she is deeply traumatized. She’s currently being taken care of in a rehabilitation center for sexually abused llamas, but I don’t think much of that will help.

Being chased by a madman is one thing, but a lovesick not to mention horny llama? How does anyone move on after that!?

Who’s smarter, girls or boys?

Head on match of the sexes, who’s better who’s smarter–come on you know you want an answer to this question.

Girls certainly outwit boys if they were to dance around or prowl in their bathing suits. By all means, we, the male kingdom give it up for you girls. Nothing compares to the embarrassing moment in our lives where we drool as we look at how beautiful you are. But that’s not the point!

Academically speaking, girls scored more records than guys. Guys, on the other hand, scored more girls than in test papers. Should that account for something? Say, we take a really smart and pretty girl, and give her the score of nine. If I scored this chick, do I get her nine as well? Given some level of inheritance, it seems fair that I get extra points.

Talking about sporty, it’s no longer true that guys are physically sturdier than girls. The fem-dom are now at their athletic climax. Every sport in Olympics has a female division for all we know. Girls even kick ass in Taekwondo.

If success was taken to consideration, it doesn’t mean that it is total annihilation for the guys. Females may be more responsible (most of the time) and independent women may be littered pretty much everywhere…on the streets, around the corner, under your skin. But still, majority of the richest person on earth are men.

What settles the score then? Who’s better, boys or girls?

Well, one thing is true. Either cannot survive without the presence of the other. Males won’t be able to propagate without females. And you females (you have to admit) life would just suck without us.

Fine then, agreed.

Alligator takes a late night prawl

Berlin, Germany – Alligator went beyond the cosmic rules of alligators and took a stroll at the late night streets of a small German town.

What’s with this racist people (I’m not sure if racist is the term) more like…creature-ist people? Don’t alligators have the right to take a walk and get some fresh air, gaze upon the stars or, go a night out with friends on the red light district? It’s a free world. We should let them. Aligators are not dangerous. They don’t eat you alive…well, theydo, but that’s not the point!

Anyways in Berlin, Germany an aligator went beyond the cosmic rules of alligators and took a stroll at the late night streets of a small German town.

Gross-Rohrheim enforcement got the call 2 a.m Thursday after a bystander poked the alligator eye with a stick and it eat him whole. Honestly, that part part is made up. So this bystander calls the police and says an alligator is on the prowl for hookers. The hookers part wasn’t made up.

Police spokesman Ferdinand Derigs said, “First they broke out laughing.” What incompetent enforcers! What has the world came to? When you get an alligator phone call, you don’t laugh, you go there and save the day and then you laugh, okay! Gaining back his credence, Ferdinand said here in this state of Hesse, “we’re ready for anything that comes running our way.”

In a splitsecond, two officers were dispatched half expected to end up in the tummy of our little Godzilla. But on extreme cosmic luck, they captured the 30 foot, excuse me, 3.3-foot long alligator with a dog rod, the one that dog pound uses.

Police said, “the alligator was taken into custody.” Did they mean jail? Gosh, that’s one hell of a prison riot. I wonder who’s going to solitary. No seriously, the alligator had escaped from a stage play (circus to be precise) being held at a nearby school. Police turned the alligator back soon after.

Ten reasons to stay alive

Life is undoable, you only got one chance, and you should not waste it. Unless you are desperate.

A friend of mine wrote this, Top Reasons to Commit Suicide, a while ago. I thought it’d be nice to play the part wearing the angel costume as we both sit on each of your shoulders (except the halo, I never liked the halo). Don’t listen to him, he’s nuts! Unless you are really desperate, then I have no more business with you, don’t I?

Listen to me. Life is good, even if it sucks sometimes–or if in your case every time–you just don’t throw life away. Life is undo-able, we only got one chance, and you should not waste it.

Considering you are stubborn and hopeless, I do understand that the life-is-nice-talk won’t work with you. So here’s a preview of the void for you.

1. It’s a void. It’s filled with emptiness and nothingness. No matter how cruel your present life is, it doesn’t compare to the solitary feeling of being confined in a void darkness. Or not having to feel anything at all. That is, if you don’t believe in the afterlife.

2. Be ready to be an eternal roast beef. Hell is fire, though it depends on the eye of the looker, hell is comparable to nothing else but hell. And trust me, your present life doesn’t even rank C to what you’ll have there.

3. Yes indeed, you are going to hell. It’s on the written word of God. But since you don’t care much about God, we’re past the religion-talk. So…

4. Think about it, you have a family that loves you, that cares for you, that will hurt if they lose you. It’s not true that they despise you. Your mom might have disowned you but she did it for a reason. Perhaps you were bad. Try to change and everything else will follow.

5. Or maybe you don’t have much left to call a family. And that’s why you are suicidal. Think again, you have friends. They care for you as much as your family would have cared for you when they were still alive.

6. Am I wrong? Is there no one left? They all left you–unbelievable. You must really suck. But then, take a rain check. Maybe they’ll come around tomorrow. Just wait a bit, coz patience my friend is a virtue.

7. If you are a girl and you are hot, and you have no one else to hold on to, I will always be here for you.

8. Other people are dying to switch places with you. You might not think it, but that is true. Remember the day you said you’ll give everything just to be in some other guy’s shoe…or some other chick’s stiletto.

9. YOU are always better than somebody. That somebody might not be me, but sure as hell he is out there, being miserable.

10. Death is expensive. It’s a tough economy. When insurance companies starts toppling over, it’s a marker that today is a bad time to die.

Hey, if you are still so desperate, then you are way out of my league fella. Try reading this one, Top Reasons to Commit Suicide, then maybe you’ll find the solution you are looking for.

Me and the modern world!

After thousands of years of carving inscriptions on stones--and ruining my fingernails--finally I've discovered the modern blogging world.

You know you should really worship me for that. That's not negotiable so just fricking do it. Anyways I haven't learned to use the kitchen stove yet. The last time I burned my hand, so I refrain from eating anything cooked right now.

Fortunately there are canned goods, I'll just have to figure out how to open 'em. Wish me luck!

Enjoy. Be miserable!